On The Topic of Movie Critics

First off, I would like to send all of my regards and thoughts to the recently passed Roger Ebert. God Bless that man.

And now, my friends, it's time to chat.  I hate hate HATE Rotten Tomatoes. I hate regular tomatoes, too. So don't feed those to me.
"But Zach! The critics are smarter than us and know movies better than we could ever possibly comprehend!"

WRONG, CHILD!

Honestly, I cannot express just how much I despise movie critics.
I mean, seriously, is there some kind of contest to see just who can be different by insulting a movie that is both financially successful and popular among viewers?  More often than not, I'll go to a movie and be all "Wow, that was really great. Sure, the plot was simple and the action was over the top, but I enjoyed it."
Isn't that what movies are supposed to be for?  ENTERTAINMENT?!
Why can't some movies just be a mindless adventure romp a la G.I. Joe?
Why does every movie have to have a million different sub plots that are also allegories to war and such?
One could just accept that life isn't always that complex, and that some movies can the be cinematic equivalent of hanging out with a friend for a while.
But no.
You go on to any movie review website and all you see is "Oh, I feel that this movie does not live up to the grandiose expectations I have set for the world of cinema, so I shall go on about every last detail of this movie that isn't like another movie that I happen to like."
Sure, everyone has their tastes and all that, but aren't movie reviewers supposed to be objective, or did I miss that memo?
When did reviewing movies turn into "Let's pretend that we're better than all of the millions of people who enjoyed the movie because we don't like some tiny, tiny detail."?
Yeesh.
The point I'm trying to make is that not every movie has to be a lengthy, layered masterpiece.
Trust me, if they were, nobody would even care to watch them.

Tally-ho, mewdles.

Zach